Comparison: The Thief of Simplicity

IMG_5415*Please know that what I am about to write is not a criticism of anyone else. It is instead a personal evaluation and reflection of things in my own heart and mind.

When I woke up this morning, I did the thing that I do every morning: I scrolled through my Instagram feed. It has become more habit than desire to see what is going on in the social media world around me. However, like often, I saw these perfectly bright bedrooms with happy children dressed for the day frolicking and it made me feel (for an instant) discontent with my dimly lit bedroom in my jammies sprawled on my bed. Though I quickly catch these thoughts and remember how amazing and fun it is that i get to be a part of my own life, it doesn’t stop that little thought stream that lingers.

I have heard my whole life that “comparison is the thief of joy” and i completely agree. But I would go one step further and say that it is also the thief of simplicity. Maybe this is just me, but “social media lives” (what i lovingly call the strangers’ well photographed lives that i follow on Instagram) make me want to lug my Nikon and all my fancy lenses to the market and playground and splash pad if only to capture the perfect example of all the fun that we also have on a daily basis. As I was examining my thoughts, it seemed as if I didn’t post a picture on social media for people to see then it was like our little adventure wasn’t as fun. How crazy is that logic (I am still half grimacing and half laughing at myself)? Is this just me or is this the problem with social media? Seriously, it is like that saying “If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” That is how I started to view our days. Play time then is no longer messy, silly, imaginative spontaneity. It becomes perfect placement, cutest clothing, clean surroundings and  biggest smile in the light time. And that to me is exhausting and complicated and everything that isn’t simple.

Therefore, I will gladly continue to look and smile at those social media lives, but only to appreciate the beauty  and unique talents that surround us. Those thoughts might still come to mind, but I will address them for the silly complicated nonsense that they are and continue on with my simple daily activities.

Approaching The First Bday

1296I Just cannot believe that it has been almost one year (Next Tuesday) since Byron was born (Insert ultimate shocked face emoji). I have not LOVED every minute of it, but these days I am having the best time of my life. I am the first to tell anyone who asks (or doesn’t) that the first 6-10 weeks were super difficult for me804

I remember thinking several times during those first few weeks: “why would anyone have more than 1 kid? This is just miserable” Jason would constantly remark that he just didnt feel like Byron was that hard of a baby. However, his comments would just upset me even more. I felt like i was drowning in lack of sleep and hormones. 1050My gasping  breathes were taken in the form of reading everything I could google or grab. I was attempting to do everything that every blog and book was telling me. I was overwhelming myself with contradicting thoughts and practices. Although this seems like common sense, I wasnt able to stop my mind until I stepped back and realized that Byron was not my newest hobby. He is a little version of Jason or myself. He isn;t going to be the same day to day and he is going to have little feelings and experiences. Moreover, he had only been a part of our world for 6-10 weeks prior. It wasnt until I remembered those things (and reminded myself) that I was able to sit back and actually smile and laugh and RELAX.1094

Now, almost a year in, I barely remember that debilitating feeling. I find myself jokingly (sorta) positing the idea of having our next baby or even 10.  This has been the most messy, emotional and increasingly beautiful year that I have ever experienced. Though I still have to remind myself to slow down and enjoy my day to day with my little baby boy, I am overwhelmed with excitement of all that is to come. I had NO idea what this first year would/could hold that Sunday in the hospital.1P7A5050